23 Jun 2012 -- Ahhh, here I am writing again.  Well, that is a good thing because I have always loved writing.  I have moments of complete blockage and moments of compulsive writing.  Sometimes, as will probably be the case today, I just ramble on about everything that pops into my head.  And since my head has been going like crazy all night long, I guess it's time to just let it spill out . . . the good, the bad, the ugly, the confusing, the ramblings . . . all of it.

So, I'm thinking to myself about all of the things that have happened in my life.  What have I learned, what have I blown off, what could I have done differently, what I would never change for a million years . . . on and on and on.  Yep, totally in my head (which is never a really good thing) all night long.  And, while there are many things that I wish I did not have to go through in my life, there is only one thing that I wish I could have changed.  I would like to go back to July 2009 and change just one choice.  All of the other things in my life have made me who I am.  The good parts of me; the strong parts of me; the weak parts of me ... the whole of me.

Yep, the one thing about being in your head -- you always go through all the regrets you have; all the "I wish I'd known better and hand't done this" thoughts and it's quite crazy, because there is not a thing that you can do to change any of them, but still you go through it and go through it and analyze it (well, ok, maybe not everyone, but I know I do).  I break every episode down, re-evaluate, analyze, sum up the mistakes and the things I could have done differently or wished that I had done differently and then I run it over and over again and get angry or upset or sad or just down right ready to crawl into the fetal position and sob.  Crazy -- yes, I totally agree -- but, that's me.

My topics:  men, money, school, work, friends, men, money, men (ha, ha, ha there seems to be a theme going on here).  I recollect about what crazy things I did for men, how I allowed them to manipulate me, bring me down, change me, walk all over me, lie/cheat/steal from me physically and mentally and so on and so on and so on.